MEDICATIONS

I had no plans looking out for what drug I take, really. I trust my doctors completely. So if they do not prefer telling me what I have, then I just leave it up to them to help me get better. I’m not the ‘asking patient’. He would give me prescriptions and strict instructions upon taking them. And I follow every bit of it.

I thought it was just seizures, as obvious as I can recall. Then, it became complex partial seizures. I still have no initiative what it is, since I started having been diagnosed with focal motor seizures. But years passed, and lately, there had been an addition to my medication. This small pill made the difference. I decided to look it up on the internet just a while ago. And it confirmed it. I do have complex partial seizure, that would be the call of my doctor … and I have nothing to say about that. But the new pill, I learned, is for Bipolar Syndrome or what others would call it Major Depressive Disorder OR Schizophrenia.

The more I read about it, the more everything made sense. Why am I in my room most of the time? And why I prefer not to communicate? Why I’d rather curl up in my bed and wait for all the pain to go away?

Now, everything I have, had and will have… would have to change. It’s just because of this one pill. It’s like dropping everything at the same time. It’s more like off the pan boiling soup forced in your mouth and even if you scream in pain, there wouldn’t be any thing you can do. The burn is there, you’re red all over and not even the so-called ‘cooling cream’ would help make you feel any better. Whatever it may be for me, it’s already there. The pill wouldn’t be given to me if not needed. My doctor wouldn’t do such a thing.

I am not taking 2 pills in the morning, 3 at lunch and 5 by bedtime. Not to forget the cost of each pill. I don’t remember complaining about my medication but this time, I am afraid that maybe… I really am that sick.