HAPPY

I was so frustrated of what’s going on last night, that I’ve forgotten about the time. Now that I checked all the cards, I realized I wasn’t happy with it. I am better than this.

 Well, It’s me, really, who’s at fault. I started late. So, I ended up working on them late. And as my eyes began to see things twice as much, I walked back to my room with words hanging on to my head like Christmas decors. JP and I had much to discuss. He has this “small things piled up” at the back of his mind, making him worriesome. I can’t help but ask, though I know I should not. But how will I be able to help him clear atleast one of the many that bothers him if I had not asked? On the other hand, I always end up being the bad guy when I bring things up just so he can open up. What could make him happy, really? 

When we were apart, he mentioned, that he wakes up in the morning with “magaan na feeling, na nakangiti” from the day we went out the night prior. It’s the commitment, actually, that kills him. He wants to be a good provider and the BEST boyfriend and FUTURE HUSBAND, that he tends to overdo a lot of things. I don’t ask for too much, really. Time is no question but it’s simple and to be expected from lovers who really, truly and sincerely loves each other to find each other in the arms of the other, just to be able to free one from worry. Instead, it’s difficult for him, because he had to come home to me first before he heads home to his parents and the time, travel and lack of sleep slowly eats his strength and nothing left comes out of him, even money.

I don’t want to be a bother or a burden… but what else could it be when that trouble is actually ME. I do have so many things to do with him… like go to the beach, or take a vacation… but since he stressed out, “We’re not married yet”…. it sounded like it’s too real… and the future’s too blurred.

If he’s not happy, then what can make him happy if not me?